FAMILY COUNSELING

The Johnson family is a family of two adults and two children, a girl of 14 and a boy of 10. The family’s mother “Ann” called to make an appointment. She said that life in the family had become hellish. For the last two years, her daughter was always angry at everyone in the family, yelling, calling names, rough toward her brother and very out of control towards her parents. Her son was doing poorly in school and frequently complained of stomach aches, for which no medical cause could be found. The couple was angry at each other a lot, often blaming each other for the problems of the children.

The family arrived at their scheduled appointment with me, and aside from the teenage daughter, “ Maggie”, all appeared eager to work. Maggie had a closed, angry demeanor. It did not look as though she wanted to be there, but I commended the whole family for showing up together. This would be an important first step in the family working together to improve their lives.

During the course of therapy, it quickly became apparent that Maggie’s moods were regulating the family. Teenagers often exhibit changed, moody and more demanding behavior during adolescence due to their hormonal changes and the ensuing natural desire for more independence. The rest of the family felt helpless in dealing with her anger and consequently gave into her demands in an effort to make her happy and to try to keep the peace. Maggie would be happy while she was receiving what she wanted, but then resorted to her lashing out behavior again. The last straw for the parents was when they were feeling as though they could not be responsible parents anymore while their daughter was engaging in behavior that was unhealthy and dangerous. They felt very guilty about the toll the constant upheaval was having on their son’s health and well being.

Each family member had the opportunity to voice their feelings about their experience in the family. Each member had valid complaints and concerns. Over time, the following things happened:

Maggie received a medical examination from a doctor who is knowledgeable about adolescent health. She was encouraged to follow a healthy diet, a key to regulating moods. She got involved in athletics, which helped channel her energy, strengthened her body, boosted her self-esteem and gave her something to look forward to on a regular basis.


The parents developed some new parenting skills. They began to set firm boundaries. They became more certain in themselves about what they would and would not allow their daughter to do. They formed a firm and loving united front so that their children would feel secure in knowing that both parent’s supported each other’s decisions and family rules.



They created a family plan based on the concept that freedom and privileges come with responsibility. When the children fulfilled their self and family responsibilities, i.e. completed homework and chores, have had enough rest and proper nutrition, they had the freedom to choose activities they wanted to do.



Family Time was implemented. Family Time is very important as this is where all members of the family derive a sense of belonging and feeling bonded. I encouraged the entire family to share at least one meal a day and at least one mutually fun activity a week and to spend some quality time each day talking to the children about their day.



Couple’s Time was also implemented. Couple’s Time includes a weekly date night. Couple’s who are busy with their children often don’t leave time to nurture their relationship. A weekly date night gives the couple the opportunity to spend time alone together, to focus on each other and their relationship. Showing each other that you care is not only good self-care and couple-care, it models healthy relationships, one where the children are not the center of the universe, but all members of the family are important. The couple also did some couple’s counseling with the goal of strengthening their relationship for the good of the whole family.



With time, the son began feeling better. His stomach pain subsided and he became more successful in school. For a while after the weekly counseling sessions were no longer necessary, the family did monthly check-in sessions and eventually yearly check-in sessions. All were much happier with themselves and each other.